Status Report: 26 September 2007

In time, status reports will become a daily addition to this site. In it, I plan to let everyone know how my day went, what types of urges I may have had, and if I relapsed or feel that I am on the downhill road to relapsing.

Because this is my first entry, I feel it necessary to provide details leading up to this point.

I have been clean for the last twelve days. My last dose was on Friday 21 September 2007. I administered an intravenous injection of approximately 320mg oxycodone. This would have been enough to kill me when I began. I was content on 5 to 10mg for several months, even.

Frequently, I am able to go fifteen days, sometimes thirty before another relapse of some type. It seems that I have a fixation with the number of days of sobriety that ends up subconsciously pushing me toward a celebration of some kind. This time, I tell myself, all will be different; this time I am going to defeat it. Whether I do or not, now, that's a totally different subject. I haven't quite approached the problem from this angle, so I can't say for sure at this point. Here's for hoping.

I did not have any major craving episodes; just the normal fleeting thoughts that I feel I will never be rid of. These type cravings I can deal with. It is the kind where I focus intensely on obtaining and using an opioid for a good half-hour to an hour that I am more leery of. These extended cravings are breeding grounds for relapse. During a such episode, if something I deem depressive happens, I am two seconds from calling someone.

I have been spending more time with friends and doing 'normal' things. This reintroduction to human life is what I consider to be the most compelling reason why I am in such a positive spot at the moment.

I plan to continue writing essay-style articles pertaining to the pharmacology and general drug knowledge in the near future; keep an eye open for those!