Ever Enough?

I just realized something; something spectacularly grim.

I have worked at a total of two places this year. The first of which paid solidly, yet outstanding it definitely was not. I had been employed since 2005 June. Whilst there, I managed to amass a couple of ineffectual raises; it did nothing more than keep up with inflation. These raises were bestowed upon me during the first nine months of employment. My paramount approval swiftly materialized into an irreparable downturn.

You see, as I further earned seniority, I found myself using heroin more and more irrationally. The resultant penalty was substantial: I eventually was let go. I am not entirely sure that anyone knew — for sure — of my drug use; but, it must've been on their short list. I mean, come on, I was going to the restroom for twenty, sometimes thirty minutes at a time. Upon exiting the bathroom, I am certain that my demeanor was altered. My guess is that the powers that be were aware of some type of substance abuse, but as long as my level of work remained constant it was left unsaid. When you're working for a financial institution, and subsequently doing all banking through said institution, it is relatively easy to monitor a co-worker's spending habits; at the time, I was getting paid every two weeks; like clockwork, that second Friday, I would withdraw my wages and usually quite a bit more (read: overdraft). But, being an employee, I didn't get hit with the usual penalty fees. This went on for several months with not a soul saying a thing. This contrasts sharply to an incident while on a company trip in San Diego and, upon crossing over into Tijuana, I pulled out several hundred dollars at the border ATM. It took no longer than five minutes to receive a phone call asking if my card had been stolen or if I really had withdrawn the money.

I was unemployed for nearly a month before locating my latest nine-to-fiver; during which time I managed to live off of the returns of the eighty hours vacation owed to me. I haven't the slightest as to how I was able to pull that one off financially. I remember nearly immediately calling up one of my then-connects and purchasing $1,200 of OxyContin. This is only what I remember and my history tells me that it did not end there. I probably spent — down to the dime — as much money as was possible on drugs leaving just enough to scrape by.

I will forever be grateful for the job opportunity that presented itself that allowed me to return to working in such a short period of time.

The current gig is grand. I bring home quite a bit more than many entire households do in a month on a weekly basis. I apologize if this sounds pretentious as that is not my objective.

I tell this to instill in you quite possibly the most important understanding I've come to know. It does not matter if you make US$25K or US$500K per annum; because your addiction will too amplify, you will again soon find yourself penniless.